


Meant To Be Near You

by foreverinprinxietyhell



Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: Anti-Depressants, Confessions, Depression, Drug Use, Emotional Baggage, Getting Help, Heart-to-Heart, M/M, Marijuana, Mental Health Issues, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, drugged, edibles, getting sick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 13:23:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13008720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinprinxietyhell/pseuds/foreverinprinxietyhell





	Meant To Be Near You

Sent home early for the day from filming a challenge for the upcoming season, Salvatore could still sense a trace of the illegal substance that had been laced into a piece of apple crumb pie left unattended by one of his closest friends who only admitted it after he tweeted about the incident. Freaking out about being alone, he had disappeared into a darkened room with no intent of leaving for hours on end as he slipped in and out of consciousness, startling out of a dose when another body pressed against him from behind.

“Bri? No, can’t be you…”

“What makes you say that?”

“You’d never come after me like this except in my dreams.”

“What if you’re living them right now?” the man in question asked as he pressed a lukewarm cloth against a furrowed brow and wiped away traces of sweat, “Should’ve kept a better eye on that damn stuff…”

“Why’d you bring it in the first place?” 

“That’s a loaded question…”

Grumbling at the vague answer, he decided not to press the issue any further than the newcomer was comfortable, for he still could not believe that the other one had come to check on his well-being. Trembling like a windblown leaf barely clinging onto a branch, Salvatore huddled into an inviting arm for warmth as silence draped over them like the extra blanket laid on top of him, “D’you bail on the guys?”

“With good reason, had to see if you were alright. Murray showed me the texts you sent earlier.”

“Can still barely move…”

“That’s why I’m here. Need anything?”

“Starving… Can you get some grub?”

“Well ahead of ya, bud,” Q quipped as he produced a plastic plate onto the younger one’s lap filled with a tuna sandwich, a bag of chips, and a bottle of water that he fed to the affected man, “Take it easy, alright? Don’t want you puking more than I’m sure ya already have.”

“The second time tasting it was the worst, how do you manage to use that stuff?”

“When you feel like you have nowhere else to turn you find whatever will lessen the pain.”

Concerned with such a melancholy response given with a downcast gaze at a mismatched pattern stitched together by a long-dead relative as a throat was cleared to keep tears at bay. Wading through a heavy fog that weighed him down, he clawed a way out enough to cup a thickly bearded cheek as a far-away gaze focused on the half-lidded hazel irises sparkling with a watery sheen.

“What’s wrong? And don’t say nothing because we both know that’s bullshit.”

“Sal… I’ve already hurt you enough today, I don’t want to do it again.”

“Please? I wanna help.”

Sighing softly at such a pleadingly weak voice, his own thick palm covered the one on his face as thick fingers twined together as he lifted each knuckle to pale, slightly chapped lips. Unable to stop from stammering, a sharp incisor bit down into a thick tongue as a deep breath was taken, his cheeks heating in embarrassment at not know how to get these terrifying thoughts out into the open, “My depression is back in full swing.”

“What does that have to do with the weed?”

“Wanted to be stoned off my ass for the last time… I wouldn’t feel the pain that way.”

“You mean you were going to…?”

“I dunno, I want to but at the same time I’m not sure. Not so simple as it once was.”

“Did you have a plan?”

“Not really. Figured it’d might be with a gun, the quickest way.”

Not knowing what to say at such a revealing truth that the older one was not quite persuaded to stay around, Sal did the only thing thought of in a moment of impulse as a numb, unoccupied hand gently grabbed at a long sleeve to pull it upward. Gasping at the raw pink lines etched into a pale forearm, emerald eyes clenched to a tight close as his own emotions erupted into a display of snot dribbling down a slightly stubbled chin, shaking like an unstable earthquake, “You have so much goin’ for you, hon. Why is this an option?”

“Wish I knew.”

“What about your cats? They wouldn’t know what to do without you, they wouldn’t understand their daddy went away forever.” 

“That’s the only thing keeping me from doin’ it.”

“That’s all?”

“Well, them and you… I’ve been convinced lately that you hated me, you’ve been kinda distant.”

Eyebrow arching curiously, the younger one went over mentally how there had been a change between them when it became a startling realization that silent pleas for help had been cried out and fell on deaf ears. The times when he had to decline hanging out at the other’s apartment because of prior arrangements already agreed on such as babysitting his nieces had appeared to be excuses to the one in need, “Q, that wasn’t my intention. I’ve had to help my sister out lately, which is why I haven’t been able to come over. I’d never ignore you on purpose.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Wait… Is that why you brought it to work?”

“My last attempt at getting help before I made up my mind. Didn’t mean for you to get into it though.”

“Well, I did and you’re here. Can’t help thinking that this was meant to happen.”

“How do you mean?”

“You needed someone to be there with you, so do I. Guess in a weird way, this happy accident brought us together again.”

Brooding for a moment at the suggested scenario, Brian breathed out a sigh of relief at the confession causing them to grow closer as he was pulled into a firm embrace that allowed him to finally let out a silent sob bottled for far too long. Face buried into the crook of a softened shoulder, a pair of lips could be felt pressing firmly into shaggy, unkempt strands of hair as short fingernails combed in an up and down motion along his bent spine to soothe the one in need of consolation despite a sharp headache radiating through the other as the high started to leave.

“Sorry, I-I came here for you and it turned into a therapy session…”

“No need for apologies, I’m starting to feel better.”

“Wonder why that is?”

“’Cos you’re meant to be near me,” Salvatore stated matter-of-factly, the two chuckling despite the conversation being far from over, “D’you get off your medication?”

“Thought I’d be fine without it. Have it on me, just haven’t taken it in three days…”

“Won’t force you back on ‘em, but I think that’d be for the best. As long as you promise to get help starting tomorrow, that is.”

“You’ve got it.”

“Do you wanna spend the night? I wanna make up for all the times I was too busy to be there.”

“I’d like that, actually.”

“Can I trust you not to hurt yourself if I fall asleep first?”

“I swear on the love I feel for you that I won’t,” Brian declared after hesitating for a moment, lifting up for a moment to hand over sharp objects that could pose a possible threat, “What if I fail to recover again?”

“Then we’ll start over until you get it right. One step in front of the other, you’ve got this.”

The guilty are safe, but always accused by empty eyes that stared back from a personal viewpoint. If it were not for the interference to clear fogged judgment from either side then neither would have lasted much longer, for it wore down on those who were most vulnerable. The tempting thoughts of being removed from life seemed like a nice escape for the middle-aged man compared to a mortal existence, yet there was comfort in knowing without a doubt that a constant companion promised to be beside him during the climb out of a rock-bottom pit. Even though a part of him was reluctant to do so he agreed with a simple, single nod; the long, hard road out of a personified hell, but in the end it would be worth the fight put up for survival while the shattered shards of a sensitive soul were pieced back into place.


End file.
